When do I qualify to say that I have truly healed? Is it when I laugh more than I have cried? Is it when the pain does not inspire me anymore? Is it when the songs that used to be ours don’t make me cringe or quickly change the song; is it when I have stopped cussing at the song and sing along instead?
When? When do I say that I have truly healed? Is it when I can accept that I am beautiful without your consent? Is it when I don’t replay the horrible way I felt when I was with you? Is it when my monologue goes from pessimistic to optimistic? Or is it when I can allow myself to fall in love again?
When do I qualify to say that I am healed? Is it when the scar on my heart does not hurt anymore and I look at it more lovingly than I would look at it like regret? Is it when I am grateful for your experience instead of the seemingly never ending “why did I even do that?!” Or is it when I can genuinely be happy without a care in the world? When, when do I say that I have truly healed?
I ask this because I am great, I am well and I sure as hell know I am beautiful as… beautiful can be (gaaaah that sounds weird leaving my fingertips!) but every now and then someone says something that triggers this thing inside of me and the wound, while healing, starts bleeding again. Not as bad as it used to, but it still does. Does that mean I have not healed fully? Will I ever? Does this ever go away, or do I learn to carry on, wounds and all?
When do I qualify to say that I have truly healed?
Shadows&Water 